Dark days

Hello blogland! It's bben a while since I was last here. The good news is I have finally finished with school and am now officially a lady of leisure!! The last couple of weeks were hard going and it felt like I was never going to get there! My last day was Sport's Day and Summer Fair so not too arduous. As it was a slimming world day I went over to Hexham after school to get weighed and  joy of joys had even mamanged to loose another 1 and 1/2lbs!! Nearly a stone gone now and I feel better for it.
We had a lovely week down with Sam and the girls, despite Paul's nocturnal disruptions. Sadly, nothing seems to help the pain in his shoulders, which doesn't bother him during the day but which makes sleeping impossible. He is up two or three times in the night, making hot water bottles and hot drinks, waiting for painkillers to take effect. Needless to say it means I don't get much sleep either and it was difficult to manage away from home. I was terrified he would wake the girls, who aren't good sleepers at the best of times. So even when he came to bed and went to sleep I was awake!!
 He has been back to the Drs and has morphine now but it doesn't seem to make much difference, I don't know if it's a habit he can't break or whether this is the beginning of the end!! He has lost weight and seems very down. We have been in more contact with his sister which is good and she is coming to visit soon, she will be here when he has his next scan and oncologist visit, as she is a senior nurse I am  hoping she will be in on the consultation and give me the benefit of her expertise. He is due counselling with the Macmillan cancer nurses next week and maybe that will help. It's really hard to decide whether the cancer is active again or whether understandably it's worry and fear that's causing the problem.
We are due to go away for a week with Sam and the girls to Devon for a seaside holiday, I was really looking forward to it but now I am dreading it. It's so difficult to manage  his insommnia away from home and I am worried he will disturb the girls and Sam. She finds it really hard to cope with the evidence that her Dad is really ill and she is not good without sleep!!! It could be a nightmare.
Work on the decluttering, gardening and sewing have taken a back seat recently but I am trying hard to complete a cross stitch advent calendar for Daisy for this Christmas, I didnt make last !! The sewing room tidy has halted! I have a pile of fabric which needs cutting into strips and filing!! My boxes are neatly labelled, ready and waiting! I think most things will have to wait until September now. By the time we have been away and had our summer visitors it will be September and hopefully Paul will be back driving the school bus! Maybe he will improve then, I think some of it is boredom and too much time to dwell on every little symptom he feels. He has never really been ill before and finds it all very frightening. What a gloomy post!!  I wll try to be more positive next timex